Friday, December 18, 2009

Feeling the Christmas spirit

Hello all you great friends and family. I'm sure most have lost faith and probably never check my blog anymore. I don't blame you...not one single bit.

I am feeling a little more of the Christmas spirit since the end of the ward Christmas party planning and executing. Don't ask. I'm nuts...and I need a bigger committee.

The next day we received our first gift from a wonderful, anonymous friend who decided we needed the 12 days of Christmas. Since then, every night we receive something on the front door with a special thought. The kids are LOVING it...and so am I. It's really helped my spirits.

I wanted to post what was left the first night - I'd heard a few of these but not all of the. Hilarious!
Martha Stewarts Holiday To Do List:
December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. - not a bad idea

December 3 - Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4 - Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. -that's so sacreligious, Martha

December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for consideration.

December 7 - Debug Windows 2000

December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11 - Lay Faberge egg.-you do have quite the cluck/cackle

December 12 - Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. - do I have to reassemble?

December 13 - Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. -don't you need those to talk to your Christmas guests, Martha? No one wants to see those gums a flappin'

December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17 - Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire. -ah're so sweet

December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. -ours are self adjusting...just ask my brother, Ben.

December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank. - love this one

December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. -...just wrong.

December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of Jesus.

December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

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